The journey continues.....

20th May 2010 ( Thursday)
He was not very alert in the morning, in fact he wetted himself. He seems to be deteriorating. Reported to school to hand over some stuff and then head home.Wetted himself again. Advised by Dr R Ng to call an ambulance as his blood pressure has dropped to 79/52 then up a little bit to 94/63. Left for SGH at 11 25 am.
19th May 2010( Wednesday)
I was not able to concentrate well in school after hearing from Wilson that LG threw up abt 11 am( after taking the Cholestyramine) , and so ran home at the earliest opportunity. Oh Lord have mercy on LG who is getting weaker and suffering greatly. He was irritated when the Hospice Care staff called to want to visit. Gave him his favourite mangoesteen ( 3) and the special veg soup that I made this morning at 5 am. Later to my surprise he requested for lunch-- which is a cup of porridge water and 2 capsules of Essentials- Usana from LS. After that LG had a nap for 2 hours.
Wilson informed me that he has withdrawn from the Synod mission trip which was good as LG is getting weaker and I kind of needed an extra pair of hands to help me lift him up.
Pastor KS came about 4 pm to conduct the holy communion but LG was in great pain. Pastor KS's gentle words brought us much comfort.After another bout of pain , LG fell into an exhausted slumber at about 6 pm for a short while.LS dropped by for a while and gave him some porridge water.Gave him morphine twice  at 4 hour interval. At midnight I gave him some mangosteen and porridge water.

18th May 2010 ( Tuesday)
Did a lot of reading online about "yun zhi" a kind of mushroom and came home early as it was the school's Marking Day. He asked for mangosteen( ate 3- the max so far) and mangosteen juice. ( Thank God for every mouthful he can swallow courageously). Elder YF( a faithful follower of this blog ) visited after 1 pm and I was able to use the opportunity to run down to the mall to buy stuff while he's with LG. Indeed all our needs are provided as opportunities are created. Thank God again when Wilson who is not supposed to come home for dinner came back at 6 pm and I seize the opportunity to go out and collect the Ling zhi cracked spores from Soon Mee's friend at Leng Kee CC. Unfortunately she was late and by the time I got back at 7 pm, Wilson has already left fro his dinner appt.
Praise the LOrd again that he's able to drink up most of the porridge water ( UM) that Gina made.Lim Chun came in the night with carrot, radish, Japanese Burdock for me to make a special soup( formulated by a Japanese Dr Tateishi Kazu whose father and brother died of cancer, he also suffered from cancer of the duodenum which later spread to his lungs) for LG tomorrow. This the kind of soup that we have been drinking in TCC. Fell asleep befor his medication for Cholestyrammine and was wakened up by an sms from Mr Justin( so timely a reminder). Also gave him morphine before going to bed. I who Used to have boundless energy and difficulty sleeping and spring up from bed even before the alarm rings is now so glad to have uninterrupted sleep at night.

17th May 2010 ( Monday)

There was pain at 2 am and I had to help him to go to the toilet. He woke again at 3 plus thinking its time for his medication. We both rose from bed after 5 am.There was difficulty getting up on his own.Came back from school after 3 pm and gave him a bite of banana, some slices of mangosteen. Later LG was able to drink a packet of Ensure milk. Maggie, Kim, Poh Im and Tan NM ( came with his favourite mangoesteen) visited about 6pm.

Today he is able to pass motion. ( considering the very little that he eats). LG was quite breathless and tired walking down to the car and then up to LS's place for dinner. LS and Peter were very caring and tried to get him to drink more of the liquid porridge. LS made a few suggestions to motivate him to get stronger by increasing his input( there is a lot of discomfort after he eats anything) so that we can make a trip to Botanical Gardens on Saturday morning at 6 30 am for fresh air. After dinner we met Lim Shong and Joyce downstairs and subsequently Lim Chun also visited. He asked for morphine to relieve the pain at midnight!

16th May 2010 ( Sunday)

Sunday is Family Day. LG's parents and siblings were here for a visit. Anxiety is written all over his mother's face. The private pain of a mother who is helpless to alleviate her child's agony is perhaps an unbearable tragedy few can understand. Pray that she will be able to derive some comfort and peace of mind as she is an aged caregiver--- looking after LG's father.

After dinner, Mr and Mrs Sngam visited. Shortly after that my family turned up in full force and LS discussed with LG the menu for tomorrow's dinner.There was some discussion as to whether Wilson should go for the Synod  mission trip in July. As I have told him that I will support whatever decision he made on the impending trip, we can only pray that holy spirit  will guide him in this matter.LB prayed for God to be merciful as LG has requested that the tumours will shrink and disappear. It was a day packed with many visitors.
Susan has sent prayer request to Rev Roy Durman in Canada and his office has replied.
We have put your friend on the prayer list.We ask our Father to reach down and heal this
man. His arm is never short.When you pray about a concern God grants us a feeling of peace.

Pray then and believe you receive.Speak out loud the Words of God and his promises to us.

1John 2-1 Jesus hears our prayers and speaks to the Father on our behalf.

Cast your cares and concern on Him for He cares for you .1Peter 5-6. Remember when you cast something it takes action.Read His Words on healing and meditate on them. Do not forget to Praise Him and give Him thanks. 

15th May 2010 (Saturday)
LG tires easily. He took some wheatgrass juice in the early morning, a packet of Ensure milk and 2 spoonsful of beancurd in the afternoon and slept most of the time.The fear of vomitting is there and then all the medication he has taken would be futile. Even getting up from the sofa seemed to be such a laborious task. Anyone who sees him now would be terribly grieved as he is now only a bag of bones! I pleaded and prayed that God will do something for LG and if to become better he has to go through this, we are willing.Pray that the cough that I have gotten will go away so that I will not infect him with anything that is detrimental to his well-being.

In the evening he told me he had a sore throat and asked for a lozenges. God is kind to send Grace( from the Navy) and her husband Wilson  who arrived about 9 pm( they got LOST and took 45 mins to come from Bishan). I was most comforted to know that there is someone to keep him company while I drove to fetch Valerie who was at Bishan attending a Macro-economics tuition. It ended at 9 50 pm. To my pleasant surprise LG was looking more animated than he had been the whole day narrating his Kunming experience to our God-sent visitors who left at 10 45 pm.
14th May 2010 ( Friday)
LG insisted on sending the car to Toyota for servicing together with Wilson. Thank God that he came home safely as I was a little worried. He had a "compensated nap" for 2 hours at about 1030 am.
In the afternoon we went to NTUC and Mun Chung and Soh Hoon ( from school) visited and prayed for us.Soh Hoon even got mangosteen for LG which he liked( and requested yesterday). He was very tired and slept early.
Lim Chun called to say Dr D T has replied. The new drug he has is not suitable for LG as he has HEP B. She suggested going back to Dr L to get him to agree to drain out the blockage in the bile duct or more chemo???? I am praying hard for guidance and wisdom as every step we take will now have to be a STEP of FAITH.
13th May 2010 ( Thursday)
LG slept past 2 am. I think he had a sore throat, must have caught it from me. I think we have not been sleeping well. Continue to pray for strength, comfort and mercy healing.
Feeling dejected and having lost my usual zest( especially when colleagues asked me about my husband), I was most surprised to stumble upon a cup (that was locked in a steel cabinet in school that I rarely opened). On it were these  words which I had not noticed before:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart; and not lean on your own understanding. In all the ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths. --- Proverbs 3: 5,6--- What timely comfort!

In the evening , colleagues from the Navy( Chee Kit Wan, Soey Huang, Lay Sian, Yew Wah) visited him and he had an engaging session telling them about his Kunming experience.Maggie also visited after 8 pm. She filled me in on what's happening to the Danzbuddies.
There was pain in the night and he could not sleep. Took some morphine and there was relief. Prayed fervently for courage to fight on!

12th May 2010 ( Wednesday)
Lim Chun visited last night and we spoke of seeking a second opinion at Mount E today. She advised LG to try to take some freshly-brewed chicken soup or Ensure milk. The problem is : vomitting. Pray that whatever he takes will help him to get stronger to continue to fight!

Elder YF dropped by during lunch and he bought a blender along so that LG can blend his nuts for easier absorption
When we were at Mount E we even managed to meet LG's parents as his father was there for a review and he was looking very well indeed. Looks like he would be able to walk on his own soon.
Dr T ( at Mount E) explained that Dr L has done all that can be possibly done( which is also what they will do at Mount E) and there is nothing new he could offer. In fact I am grateful he is kind enough to see us. He volunteered to write to Dr D T ( Haematologist in SGH who has done further studies on Lymphoma) to see if there is any new drug he might offer and he tried to manage our expectations by telling us that we should not be too hopeful as LG's heart and liver are not in tip top condition. Pray for the holy spirit's empowerment that LG's body can take what may come in the days ahead so that he can be healed. Oh Lord Please heed our cries for your healing power every hour of the day!

11th May 2010 ( Tuesday)
Nurse Alice Heng called to say that Dr Raymond Ng and her are keen to pay another visit but LG felt otherwise as he is not keen to take morphine as advised previously.When I reached home at 2 pm, he was resting. When he woke up he told me that he felt very unwell- the worst in many days and he looked it. I was concerned. I remembered listening online to Dr Maggie Low's Mother's Day message yesterday --- Only God can look after your daughter better than you! There was reproach in my heart, I had prayed that God will look after LG in my absence. Shortly after LG requested for some beans ( his lunch). Soon after he vomitted all of it as well as a lot of liquid. It dawned on me that God had been looking after him and waiting for me to be back. Had LG vomitted in my absence, can you imagine his distress? I have been admonished immediately for being so faithless. After the avalanche, he was definitely feeling much better and could hold some food. We deduced that the beans may have generated some "wind".

10th May 2010 ( Monday)
LG's legs are still swollen ( lack of amino acids) - diet is mainly all types of beans and he is still very yellow. He has to take Cholestyrammine( a powdery syntheitic resin that binds with and prevents the reabsorption of bile acids used to reduce chlolesterol levels, also relieves itiching associated with Jaundice) to bring down the level of cholesterol as the bile juices contian enzymes that will breakdown the fats. LG- the ever-loving family man  still makes effort to so some ironing and gives Valerie fruits to eat.  Praying and Interceding is all we can do that the medication will do the work.

8th May 2010 ( Saturday)
LG is discharged today and he has to see Dr L on 25th May 2010 . Pray that the Dexamethasone will shrink the tumours especially at the bile duct so that the yellowness will subside further. The discharge was quite speedy and there was a very pleasant and patient pharmacist who delivered the medication and even had an additional drug delivered upon discovering that we had not ordered it. LS came soon after we reached home with freshly-made soya milk and shared with LG some nutritional requirements of cancer patient. Desmond and Shandy also dropped by. It was good to have visitors and Shandy even helped me to do some ironing. Because it rained LB and I did not go to Bukit Timah , so the three of us went to NUtrihub at Cuppage Plaza then at OG, LB bought a expensive pair of slip-on(slightly more than $100) for LG as a belated Bday present.
"You never know how fast you can run until you are running for your life;
You never know how WELL you can live until you are running out of time."-- annoymous

7th May 2010 ( Friday)
Last night after 9 35 pm we were transferred from Room 18( single occupancy ) to Room 12 Bed 4 ( 4 bedder). Pray that something can be done today to stop the vomitting and allow food to pass through to nourish his body. Received sms from LG to say that he slept well without Morphine. Less yellow in the eye white, praise the Lord--- That's great!
Major Alex Heng has informed me that LG has about 50 days of extended medical leave and another 468 days of Further extended medical leave in addition to his annual leave entitlement-- Another good news--- We are overwhelmed at such goodness--- God is Good!
Pastor KS visited in the morning. How comforting!LG is learning to eat and drink slowly so that the choke at the bile duct is not so congested.  Dr L's strategy is to use Dexamethasone( steroid) to shrink the tumour that is pressing on the bile duct rather than to put a  pipe in to drain the bile and a temporary stent( problem of infection is higher). He has refrained from morphine since yesterday 2 pm. Elder YF came slightly past noon for a visit. In the evening Karen, Kim Han and Winnie dropped by and he was sleeping while I was out for dinner with my mother and sisters.

6th May 2010 ( Thursday)

LG reported to me that he vomitted this morning and saw bits of food from yesterday's lunch???. A doctor Mohd F came to explain to him that the yellow of his eye white is caused by the enlarged lymph nodes pressing on the bile ducts and he would increase the dosage of the steroids. Dr L will discuss with us the various options of which one of them is to put a tube into the bile duct which may cause infection( not recommended). Other options?? maybe try new drugs??? Give thanks that there are still options and Pray for wisdom in choosing the best option for LG.

Again He threw up all the wheat grass juice, soya bean curd and the little lunch he took. According to one of the nurses, this is supposed to be one of the side effect of taking morphine so he decided to take only the night dosage.

Alex bought much cheer and chatted with us for quite a while. His sunny nature is a great boost to the flagging spirit.




5th May 2010 ( Wednesday)

No food and drink since 12 last night as he had to go for ultrasound at 9 am. Wilson has been instructed to bring soya bean milk at 10 am.Before he left he had diarrhoea and on entering the lift in SGH he got a cough. Pray for Wilson's body to be strong to combat the hospital germs as he seems to be highly-sensitive to the air-borne organisims in the hospital  It will be a long day in school as there will be a meeting after school. Perhaps doctors in cancer wards should be allowed to give MC to caregivers who stayed the night as they would certainly be unfit for duty the following day since teaching the challenging classes would definitely stretched one to the limits.

LG did not sleep well last night as the blood transfusion did not end till past 4 am and so I believe he was rather exhausted by noon when Elder YF visited. After school I made some wheat grass juice for him and then Wilson sent me to SGH. Forty-five minutes later he vomitted part of his lunch and cleverly suspected that there is some blockage somewhere.
Finally the lady( Jade Florist) who always delivers hamper on behalf of  the Navy did not ask the insensitive question--"Why you are hospitalised again?"

Met Dr L along the corridor and he informed me that the lymphoma is pressing on the liver! Isn't there anything that can be done???? Pray ! The GOOD news is : IT IS NOT HEP B Virus re-activation--- that will be one problem down --- Praise the Lord for little mercies. Dr L would give him some steroids to melt the tumour. Pray that the steroids will do its work EFFECTIVely. He was decidedly looking less yellow and feeling much better.Managed to catch the last bus out of SGH with Valerie about 10 23 as Wilson was still having dinner.

4th May 2010 ( Tuesday)

Reported to NCC for blood test at 08 30 and saw Dr L about 10 plus. Prayed that more could be done to relieve him and make him better. Dr L wants to ward LG as his Hep B virus and lymphoma may be conglomerating or a word that sounds like it and he was furious with me for not realising that LG has stopped taking or run out of his liver medicine. His liver doctor ( Prof C) kept on changing appt and is the only one who can prescibe the medication. LG has always wanted full control of his medication and appt and sometimes when I touched his papers,he gets irritated. I am not shirking from any responsibility but I am rather helpless most of the times these days.... The irony of it is Dr Raymond Ng had even written a report of his visit to Dr L and even commented in his note that LG's wife is very capable but under some courageous duress--- sounded like that as you know most doctors do not have legible handwriting.

I wondered how could there be a lapse in the medication. Upon checking with LG at home, he did not pack it to Kunming and so it was only stopped from 29th April but he was already yellow on the 27th April?

We went back home to wait for a call-- Ward 48 Room 8 needed a long time to clean up- its probably one of the transplant room. Reported back to SGH at 4 pm and Pastor KS arrived shortly. He was in great discomfort ( pain) and I had to massage him at various parts as it seemed to be everywhere. Sent out a prayer request to several at 742 pm. Maggie and Jeff  came close to 8 pm and she kindly helped me to massage him for a while. Later his siblings, Kim Han  and Winnie, Sisiter, Lim Shong and Joyce , Karen and Teck came. By then the morphine and the prayers have started to work.They had a good session bonding and talking about LG's father who had been quite ill and is on a wheel chair whenever he goes out. Though showing symptoms of the dreaded Parkinson, he is still quite alert and sharp. There was a hilarious account of how he accused LG's mother of being wicked and giving him a placebo as he was still unable to sleep ( or slept only for one hour) after taking it. Left SGH after midnight( wilson came to pick me up).

3rd May 2010 ( Monday)
There is still a lot of discomfort throughout the night.Make the wheatgrass( Susan passed them to Val in the morning) juice for LG and then went to NTUC to stock up the fridge followed by a hive of activities like washing toilet and of course updating the blog. LG is still very yellow and staff from HCA ( Hospice Care- a free service) which comprise: Alice Heng ( Staff nurse who is very patient and well-trained) , Dr Raymond Ng ( with intelligent eyes that seem to flow with compassion and has beautiful bedside manners) and a social worker ( she left early as we do not qualify for any aid ) visited us. LG was rather resistant to the staff from HCA as he did not want to be taken as someone with a life-limiting disease.
Many questions were asked and THANK GOD for sending them. Dr Ng who has a gentle demeanor explained patiently to LG that the tumour (at the lumbar area at the back) must be affecting the nerve which is causing his right leg's weakness and tried to convince LG to take a bit of morphine to manage the pain. LG was worried about morphine addiction and the side effects of increasing dosage though Dr Ng tried to allay his fears. After they left, being morose, sullen and dejected was the "in-thing" and he did make an effort to listen to music that is uplifting. Having said that, I could see great determination and courage when he answered some of the more probing questions by the doctor. Have mercy Lord on LG, grant him healing and do not let our Faith in you WAVER!
On the way to LS's house for dinner, LG expressed his unhappiness or disappointment. He asked if the children were aware of how  ill he is.Perhaps we have been too competent in instilling in them to be pragmatic that "life goes on" despite all crisises that they seem to be too busy most of the time.I suppose I will live to regret this aspect of our parenting. LG's legs were swollen( probably due to lack of protein) and he was rather depressed. HIs sister Lim Chun visited, Ben and Corrine also came subsequently. Their presence was a pleasant diversion and he felt slightly better.