27th April 2010 ( Tuesday)
Reach Clinic E at 830 and waited till after 12 to see Dr L, who is only going to manage the pain. He rejected all the suggestions that his sister asked and even printed out a treatment summary for us to seek a second opinion. He said he has been trying all the aggressive chemo and even Zevalin who cost $44 000 will not work ! Recommended us a hospice nurse service to help us manage the pain. It was difficult for us to accept but what can we do but to continue to trust in HIS GOODness even if it is beyond our understanding--- a letter Dr L gave to his camp even said that LG is unlikely to resume duty.
Decided to fly to KUNMING on Thursday morning and will be back on Sunday evening. Dear God, we are weakened and emotionaly fragile, shine your face upon us and love us as you had promised.Pray that LG can take journey well and remain strong as we grasp at what God has in mind for us. There are so many things to pray for: I just do not know where to begin --- peace of mind, strong support whenever we need it, carry our burdens for us for we are in despair. Above all keep our faith strong in you AND take care of our children in our absence.
26th April 2010 ( Monday)
LG was not able to sleep much as there was no comfortable position, be it sleeping on the right or left. Awoke at 2 am and saw him trying to read.
After Yoke Fooi's visit about noon, slightly after one, he had intense pain again, abdomen and lower region of the buttocks, took morphine and pain became more bearable. I am praying fervently for relief and I am quite certain he is weaker as he did not even drink much of the soya bean milk that LS's maid made for him.Will bring him to NCC first thing tomorrow morning together with his sister. Lim Shong and Joyce and visited at 8 and stayed till 10 pm. It was good to have someone to lift his mind off from the pressing concerns.
Curently I am reading " Grasping Heaven" an autobiography about a talented American missionary doctor in China and though LB wept buckets of tears, I must confess I was on the verge of tears( I think my tear ducts are little over-worked these days) after reading how she got skin cancer shortly after completing 3 years of service in China. Her determination to continue to lead a useful meaningful life( through working on her research papers and caring for her patients) while going through the numerous cycles of chemo and subsequently a clinical trial for a new cancer drug is highly admirable!
25th April 2010 ( Sunday)
LG did not go to church today. I do dread it when people asked "How are you or HOW is LG?" It is a very difficult question to answer! Every cell in my body is screaming for help.Positive thinking without positive action leaves me with positively nothing to do except more tears. People commented that I have lost weight. If you have to live in fear ( fear of incurring LG's displeasure by uttering the wrong thing or doing something he considered silly or stupid) and in tears (tears of frustration at my insensitivity and inability to learn how to care for him ), you cant possibly put on weight(not that I want to put on) since you are burning up alot of nervous energy.
Susan helped me to get some tumeric curcumin supplement for LG as it is a very powerful antioxidant. Currently my cabinet and fridge are very well stocked with all kinds of antioxidants( fresh or supplements). Deciding which to take each day is perhaps a challenge.So the rational thing to do is to take the fresh ones first then the supplements when you can remember......
Ben called from China and his sister has also called Dr Z in Kunming who has indicated that he needs to see the patient before he prescribed any more medication??? As there was more discomfort and he's eating less as he felt some hardening at the stomach and some more numbness on his left thigh, I sms-ed Dr L to inform him that we would like to see him on Tuesday as Dr L will be on course tomorrow. Pray for guidance and wisdom on what we should do next in the best interest of LG.
24th April 2010 ( Saturday)
Reach Clinic E at 830 and waited till after 12 to see Dr L, who is only going to manage the pain. He rejected all the suggestions that his sister asked and even printed out a treatment summary for us to seek a second opinion. He said he has been trying all the aggressive chemo and even Zevalin who cost $44 000 will not work ! Recommended us a hospice nurse service to help us manage the pain. It was difficult for us to accept but what can we do but to continue to trust in HIS GOODness even if it is beyond our understanding--- a letter Dr L gave to his camp even said that LG is unlikely to resume duty.
Decided to fly to KUNMING on Thursday morning and will be back on Sunday evening. Dear God, we are weakened and emotionaly fragile, shine your face upon us and love us as you had promised.Pray that LG can take journey well and remain strong as we grasp at what God has in mind for us. There are so many things to pray for: I just do not know where to begin --- peace of mind, strong support whenever we need it, carry our burdens for us for we are in despair. Above all keep our faith strong in you AND take care of our children in our absence.
26th April 2010 ( Monday)
LG was not able to sleep much as there was no comfortable position, be it sleeping on the right or left. Awoke at 2 am and saw him trying to read.
After Yoke Fooi's visit about noon, slightly after one, he had intense pain again, abdomen and lower region of the buttocks, took morphine and pain became more bearable. I am praying fervently for relief and I am quite certain he is weaker as he did not even drink much of the soya bean milk that LS's maid made for him.Will bring him to NCC first thing tomorrow morning together with his sister. Lim Shong and Joyce and visited at 8 and stayed till 10 pm. It was good to have someone to lift his mind off from the pressing concerns.
Curently I am reading " Grasping Heaven" an autobiography about a talented American missionary doctor in China and though LB wept buckets of tears, I must confess I was on the verge of tears( I think my tear ducts are little over-worked these days) after reading how she got skin cancer shortly after completing 3 years of service in China. Her determination to continue to lead a useful meaningful life( through working on her research papers and caring for her patients) while going through the numerous cycles of chemo and subsequently a clinical trial for a new cancer drug is highly admirable!
25th April 2010 ( Sunday)
LG did not go to church today. I do dread it when people asked "How are you or HOW is LG?" It is a very difficult question to answer! Every cell in my body is screaming for help.Positive thinking without positive action leaves me with positively nothing to do except more tears. People commented that I have lost weight. If you have to live in fear ( fear of incurring LG's displeasure by uttering the wrong thing or doing something he considered silly or stupid) and in tears (tears of frustration at my insensitivity and inability to learn how to care for him ), you cant possibly put on weight(not that I want to put on) since you are burning up alot of nervous energy.
Susan helped me to get some tumeric curcumin supplement for LG as it is a very powerful antioxidant. Currently my cabinet and fridge are very well stocked with all kinds of antioxidants( fresh or supplements). Deciding which to take each day is perhaps a challenge.So the rational thing to do is to take the fresh ones first then the supplements when you can remember......
Ben called from China and his sister has also called Dr Z in Kunming who has indicated that he needs to see the patient before he prescribed any more medication??? As there was more discomfort and he's eating less as he felt some hardening at the stomach and some more numbness on his left thigh, I sms-ed Dr L to inform him that we would like to see him on Tuesday as Dr L will be on course tomorrow. Pray for guidance and wisdom on what we should do next in the best interest of LG.
24th April 2010 ( Saturday)Only upper right leg has numbness and he had difficulty walking as there is still" no strength". He spoke to his sister Lim Chun and she suggested buying a knee support which we promptly did. However, it was very restrictive and so we decided to wear it only if we were going out. After a very short walk at Bukit Timah with Lay Bin, we went to fetch LG for dinner at 325 Beach Road, It was not easy to get a parking lot but God is Good, the second time we passed the main road we got one and it was THE FIRST LOT of all the parallel parking--- sth I am very grateful.To our surprise, we saw the cafe we were searching. It was a quiet cafe with fantastically healthy food. Will definitely visit again.
After school we are supposed to adjourn at Ivy's house( prior preparations have been made for LG's diet) for fellowship as well as to celebrate Tang's BDay, but we were not able to make it as LG had very intense pain on his right leg and I left the school at 115 pm to check it out at home. He said he felt it after coming back from NTUC and he thought it must be the cold air there that had triggered it. I am doubtful. I think it must have been excruciating as he took a teaspoon of morphine and then tried to have a nap when the pain is more bearable. This is the first time he took morphine as he had always endured the pain bravely even under high dose before the stem cell transplant in Dec 2008. Prayed very hard for relief and healing.Merciful Lord who hears every prayer, hear our prayers and have pity on our sufferings and mental agony!
In the evening, Maggie, Ivy, Tang and May delivered some food for us- Praise God for caring friends! LG experienced numbness on his right leg and "no strength" in the night.
20th April 2010 ( Tuesday)
My dear 4th uncle bought 2 bottles of mangosteen juice for LG. They are supposed to be anti-parkinson, anti-depresssant, anti-oxidant, anti-fatigue, anti-aging, anti-infalmmatory, protect the heart, pressure lowering, anti-tumour and cancer, prevent loss of bone mass, prevents cataract, ---sounds like a cure-all. Incredible it may sound, but the sentiment behind the delivery is felt very strongly by us. May God bless 4th uncle and all who have cared for us in this journey with good health and long life for their untiring effort. http://www.xango.com/products/xango-juice19th April 2010 ( Monday)
18th April 2010 (Sunday)
The highlight of this morning was getting to taste this XO quality soursop( Susan Chong the resourceful found them) and we were told that soursop is in season.In the afternoon Jennifer, Linda and Peter visited LG and prayed for him.
14th April 2010 ( Wednesday)
10th April 2010 (Saturday)
Soursop Harvest! Brenda bought them from Redhill market-- not very sweet-- which is of course perfect for LG.
3rd April 2010 ( Saturday)
Another daunting day passed by--- spent most of the time online to see if there is a suitable water filtration system that will satisfy LG's requirement ( which is a filter that can remove most of the undesirables, retaining all that is good and need to boil like what he's used to and of course the pricing must be reasonable). I think my greatest problem is my inability to communicate well with my husband and son( which is an irony considering my profession) and my greatest weakness is having a sense of urgency to all requests. Living like this, I feel compelled to whine and lament a little but the inner psychological and emotional pressures that LG has to face each day serve only to strengthen my resolve to grit my teeth and move on. ---may have to visit the dentist soon--enamel wearing off quite fast!!
2nd April 2010 ( Friday)
For someone with NO interest in cooking, I must say that I have been very encouraged by Soon Mee's effort so I tried to read up recipes to prepare food for LG. Another way is to look at what were the vegetables available in the fridge that ought to be eaten and then go and google for a dish that requires them. Today I made beetroot soup which I thought was rather nice even though it may not have reached the standard for competition. Perhaps I need to qualify the former statement by stating that I am not exacting for I think to be able to prepare a meal is a feat! I wish to reiterate that anyone who thinks they are better should take over the wheel!
1st April 2010 ( Thursday)
One night he heard his wife praying--- Lord by tomorrow morning, let my husband be healed ---"--- miraculously it happened the next morning-- all the ulcers, flatulence,body odour as a result of detoxification had disappeared..........His was a very very tough journey and he lived on for 10 years to write the book. However, 4 years after diagnosis, he had a relapse as ( though he did not realsie till later) he could not come to terms with the reality of the death of his close friends Grace and George.The negative suppression of painful memories and the quiet shackling of the inner agonies within the soul must have triggered off a chemmical imbalance within his body. An imbalance that had resulted in a fundamental weakening of the body. He also experienced many psychic, cosmic extra-sensory experiences which he kept to himself as he knew very few would believe unless they are confronted with the stark reality of their own impending death..---- I like to quote." There are few challenges in life that are more potent and stressful than to live under the shadow of one own immediate impending death." He calls Death in the form of terminal cancer as the hunter and hunting down the killer was his goal everyday!
Shared the story with Soon Mee and YuZhen who visited later in the night.We had a delightful conversation and several exchanges of info. LG told us then that when he is upset, his leg hurts !!! WHEN I AM UPSET--- my heart, my head and my spirit also HURT too??????--does anyone know?
Soon Mee has been really generous. I offered to pay for this second lot of organic stuff andshe agreed to allow me to pay for future such ORGANIC purchases or else I will no longer accept even if WE ARE STARVING! We are exploring the possibility of going to hilly organic farm resorts in the NORTH for long weekends.
There is one in Negri sembilan- recommended by Michelle from Queens-- which looks quite reasonable.
http://www.titieco.com.my/
Found a luxurious one featuring a TOP 50 restaurant of the word-- The Radiance Club
Lai Cheng ( Mrs Singam) brought pumpkin soup for LG and 4th Uncle managed to get the elusive and powerful soursop. What a surprise!
In the evening, Ben, Corrine, Shong and Lim Chun visited. Apparently Dr Z has given Ben some medicinal wine and special powder which seem to work wonders especially the powder that can make stiff joints go away and hair to grow. Ben urged LG to find time to go back to Kunming to recuperate sometime in April. There were some dates to consider and as LG had to see urilogist on 19th April and Dr Lim on 23rd April. So we can only consider the dates after 23rd April.
28th March 2010 ( Sunday)
Arrive in church just in time for the message by Dr Lee Chung Horn whose voice and good diction is a balm for the hurting soul. After service, many loved ones gathered to show their love and concern for LG. Susan bought a book about anti cancer food for LG, Phuay Hua and Sheng Siong gave him some encouragement and california figs and Cynthia gave a " get well soon" card.
After church we went to Genesis ( near OCBC centre) for an early lunch. The staff there was very helpful and my favourite item is the popiah.They also gave us a contact in Malacca called the Bukit Rambai Health Farm which has a 20-day cancer battle program package and the price is something like RM 5000 or less depending on what you choose
27th March 2010 ( Saturday)
When Cancer strikes one body -- it hits 2 hearts! No family is really prepared for it. In our search for suitable food for LG as well as to break the monotony of only eating the limited item I can prepare, we visited Nutrihub in Cuppage Plaza and Miss Ang was kind enough to customise a meal for us that is suitable for LG. The Walnut and Almond milk ( which does not have any milk-- only looks like milk) is really very good. 4th uncle called in the night to ask about LG and told us that he could not get any soursop[The SourSop or the fruit from the Graviola tree is a miraculous natural cancer cell killer 10,000 times stronger than Chemo-according to the emails that have been circulating for the past 4 months} at all in Spore! ( which of course is nothing new to me!).
26th March 2010 ( Friday)LTC Soon MAJ Alex are here to give LG the letter of emplacement as a military expert of the rank ME3 wef 1st April. Isn't that great?This means his service is extended another 5 years. Hopefully this is a good thing for us.Wow dont you find MAJ Alex's hairdo very endearing? Now this is what I called tremendous support!
No side-effects reported so far. Leg is feeling better. The decision is to stop the chinese medication for 2 weeks and then continue with it thereafter. Paster KS visited in the late afternoon and we had an enjoyable time recounting our Kunming experience.
24th March 2010 ( Wednesday)
C=Cyclophosphamide E = Etopside P = Procarbazine P = Prednisolone
Oral Chemo starts( 10 days). All these drugs come with a long list of possible side effects and the drug Procarbazine may interact with certain food and cause reactions such as heart palpitations, high blood pressure, severe headache, vomitting and diarrhea. A long list of food to avoid was given and things like bean, pea pods, banana, avocardo, pineapple , cheese, etc and meat products that are not freshly prepared. This makes a vegetarian diet even more restrictive. Nevertheless, the spirit is to battle on as Procarbazine inhibits the growth of cancer cells, then the diet we are following will surely kill them.
Dilemma: Should we continue to take the chinese medication? Ben and Sister called to persuade him to go back to Kunming after the oral chemo has finished but LG is reluctant as the there are still areas of concerns regarding food, accomodation and company. Should I take no-pay leave? I decide to only think about it after the oral chemo has ended--- too many decistions to be made in one day.
23rd March 2010 ( Tuesday)
Took time out from school to fetch LG to see Dr Lim. Fill him in about our trip to Kunming.I think his clinical interest is not exactlly aroused. Blood test is ok-- red blood cells a little low and he thinks the pain in the shin is because of the lymphoma acting up. He ordered oral chemo ( R CEPP)to be given tomorrow and then on the 31st March again. He said it is not going to be curative but it will buy us "some time." What an obnoxious term?" I prefer to think it as to buy us some time so that the chinese medication will be able to work its efficacy. Perhaps doctors who wish to convey the seriouness of a situation should also try to inject some positivism in their words without compromising their stand.
Mrs Michelle Loh from Queens called to ask if we are keen on qigong as a qigong master from Hainan island who would be flying in next fortnight to help a group of cancer patients. We are receptive to it.
22nd March 2010 ( Monday)
Begining of a new term for school-so many things to do.....
Soon Mee also brought some stuff to help us in our search for the correct food. So grateful for the recipe books as references to what to cook-- May the Lord bless us and keep us and may HIs face shine upon us and be gracious to us-- quote from Pastor KS on the morning of our departure to Kunming.
This morning we attended Combined Service and I was glad that I did not cry copiously!Mickey Chiang met us at the lift and actually did not recognise LG who has become quite tanned. After that he called us through Wilson to offer some financial assistance of which I declined. So thoughtful and kind of Mickey to offer. I promised to SHOUT OUT LOUD when the need arises. The Lord has looked to all our needs so far and so we will continue to trust that HE will continue to provide.Though we may be in danger of losing one income, we know that HE IS IN CONTROL.The truth is I am making some tentative plans to tour KUNMING as part of our 25th wedding anniversary celebration. Perhaps can even make a detour to SZ or HK. In the afternoon there was intense pain on his right shin and I could only pray for relief. Elder Y F read the blog and prayed too. In the evening LG's parents, Kim Han, Teck and Shong dropped by for a visit. LG's father is not very well yet. Pray that he will get stronger and perhaps we can all go for a family holiday in Kunming in June.
20th March 2010 (Saturday)
Accompanied LG downstairs for a walk and saw a row of trees with pretty pale green-cluster of leaves which look like someone hanging little bags on them from afar. Indeed we have been too busy to notice the beautiful things around us. LG even uprooted 2 baby bird's nest for me to put in the two pots whose plants have withered in our absence.
19th March 2010 ( Friday)
LG will jog or exercise twice a day- an advice he took seriously. The chinese medication is brewed in the morning and then consumed in 6 portions over 2 days.Manage to get an earlier appointment to see Dr Lim next Tuesday in the morning at 10 50 am. He is extremely careful over his diet which is strictly vegetarian and should be free from animal protein, sugar, processed food and all things that will contribute to an acidic environment within the body.
PRAYER REQUEST:Give thanks for the KUNMING experience and safe arrival. Pray that Alternative strategy to kill cancer cells will work and the chinese medication will strengthen his immunity system to continue the battle.As the diet is unique, pray that it will not be too diificult to prepare.
18th March 2010 ( Thursday)LG and 6th Uncle arrived in Spore from Kunming 515 pm. Angela{ 6th uncle's wife } picked them up and it was good to see a sun- tanned husband despite one that cannot hear very well. IN HIS OWN TIME he went about unpacking, throwing the laundry in the washing machine and narrating what he felt would be interesting to me.
All I know is that 6th uncle had to adjust to eating almost the same vegetable dish and eggs everyday and some bread. He was definitely quite deprived of McDonald and yet he professed that he enjoyed himself very much, we are all grateful that he made the trip there and back with some "pu-er". LG's mother and Lim Shong called while LG was out for a jog the very evening he arrived.
