3rd Nov 2009= Relapse of Lymphoma!
Relapsed NHL (Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma)??? What does it mean as we carried the pet scan report from block 4 to NCC ( National Cancer Centre). With a heavy heart, we knew what that dreaded word meant?
What started as a pain in the thigh on the night of 19th October 2009( Monday- that fateful evening) which resembled rheumatism that a TCM massage did not make it go away. The pain killer or muscle relaxant prescribed by the camp doctor was of no effect. Every night he would be wakened by the pain and there would be this heat rub that he used to releive himself from the discomfort. As the pain seemed to progress to the lower back I urged Lim Gee to call SGH on 24th October 09 for an earlier appointment to see Dr Lim S.T and despite reporting pain, we were told that there is no slot for an earlier appointment!
On 28th October 09 early morning there was pain in the lower abdomen and the stomach was bloated. The next day he was unable to pass motion and there was slight fever in the evening. I asked Lim Gee if I could SMS Dr Lim directly to inform him. Dr Lim responded immedaitely to see him on 30th October 2009(Friday). Upon examination he told us to be prepared for admission and asked “How many siblings does Lim Gee has?” This question seemed to suggest that the autologous stem cell transplant that we did last November was in vain. Some blood was drawn and we were told to come back on Monday 2nd Nov to do a pet scan and see him again on 3rd Nov.
It was a gloomy weekend, there were many prayers and we hope that it was not as serious as feared. That Sunday as we prepared the elements for holy communion I realised it was indeed A PRIVILGE TO BE ABLE SERVE. After service Elder Florence and sister Andes prayed and laid hands on Lim Gee for mercy and healing. I was comforted and felt a certain sense of calmness, though I could sense that Lim Gee was rather uncomortable about it.
3rd Nov --We had been forewarned to be prepared for admission. The familiar sense of déjà vu descended upon me as I accompanied him to his ward and I could sense his dejection and confusion. Understandably we were depressed to put it mildly—accurately he was physically weakened by the pain, emotionally fragile and spiritually challenged!
4th Nov09 --- I cried out to God for mercy , for healing and tears were the only language of expression I can use as supportive family members, friends and colleagues tried to comfort me to remain strong so that I could take care of him. I don’t want to be strong but what else can I do except to be stoic. In my demented state I even prayed to my beloved father to intercede for Lim Gee .
5th Nov09 – The familiar nausea that I experienced last year when well-meaning colleagues and friends gave me food had surfaced and I knew that I had been under high anxiety as a hideous and mammoth pimple had appeared on my nose. Being the vain woman, it would have bothered me a lot normally but I hardly noticed the blemish. The doctor at National Skin Centre whom Valerie is seeing for her hair loss was kind enough to give me a wonder cream which would have me raving about it to everyone under normal circumstances. In fact it was so good, a fellow colleague who noticed the difference asked me if he could have it when I am done with it, which I acceded.
Relapsed NHL (Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma)??? What does it mean as we carried the pet scan report from block 4 to NCC ( National Cancer Centre). With a heavy heart, we knew what that dreaded word meant?
What started as a pain in the thigh on the night of 19th October 2009( Monday- that fateful evening) which resembled rheumatism that a TCM massage did not make it go away. The pain killer or muscle relaxant prescribed by the camp doctor was of no effect. Every night he would be wakened by the pain and there would be this heat rub that he used to releive himself from the discomfort. As the pain seemed to progress to the lower back I urged Lim Gee to call SGH on 24th October 09 for an earlier appointment to see Dr Lim S.T and despite reporting pain, we were told that there is no slot for an earlier appointment!
On 28th October 09 early morning there was pain in the lower abdomen and the stomach was bloated. The next day he was unable to pass motion and there was slight fever in the evening. I asked Lim Gee if I could SMS Dr Lim directly to inform him. Dr Lim responded immedaitely to see him on 30th October 2009(Friday). Upon examination he told us to be prepared for admission and asked “How many siblings does Lim Gee has?” This question seemed to suggest that the autologous stem cell transplant that we did last November was in vain. Some blood was drawn and we were told to come back on Monday 2nd Nov to do a pet scan and see him again on 3rd Nov.
3rd Nov --We had been forewarned to be prepared for admission. The familiar sense of déjà vu descended upon me as I accompanied him to his ward and I could sense his dejection and confusion. Understandably we were depressed to put it mildly—accurately he was physically weakened by the pain, emotionally fragile and spiritually challenged!
4th Nov09 --- I cried out to God for mercy , for healing and tears were the only language of expression I can use as supportive family members, friends and colleagues tried to comfort me to remain strong so that I could take care of him. I don’t want to be strong but what else can I do except to be stoic. In my demented state I even prayed to my beloved father to intercede for Lim Gee .
5th Nov09 – The familiar nausea that I experienced last year when well-meaning colleagues and friends gave me food had surfaced and I knew that I had been under high anxiety as a hideous and mammoth pimple had appeared on my nose. Being the vain woman, it would have bothered me a lot normally but I hardly noticed the blemish. The doctor at National Skin Centre whom Valerie is seeing for her hair loss was kind enough to give me a wonder cream which would have me raving about it to everyone under normal circumstances. In fact it was so good, a fellow colleague who noticed the difference asked me if he could have it when I am done with it, which I acceded.
This morning I had picked up a devotion book by Nina Smit ( Lay Bin gave me this and it has been lying in the school for 2 years). Then God spoke to me through the book as every thought that I had there was a resounding reply
(a) I was unhappy and confused as to why God allowed the relapse
page J25—always strive to live a positive life
“why does the way of wicked prosper? Why do all the faithless live at ease?” Jeremiah asks the Lord
Yet God’s children know that the wicked will suffer a dreadful end.” Surely you know….. that the mirth of the wicked is brief, the joy of the godless lasts but a moment,” Zophar comforts Job
Prayed :Heavenly Father, I apologise that I have sometimes been unhappy when the unrighteous have prospered. Forgive me and make me content with those things you have given me. Amen
Am I expected to be content with this relapse… surely not!
page J26—people who think fearful thoughts all the time often find that it is exactly the things they feared that become a reality. After all the terrible disasters that came upon him, Job confessed to his three friends: “ What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me. I have no peace, no quietness; I have no rest , but only turmoil” ( Job 3: 25, 26)
Prayed :Heavenly Father, I confess that I have pessimistic thoughts and that those things I have feared have also come over me. Help me to trust in you completely from now on, and renew my thoughts and make them positive so that everything will go well for me. Amen
Though I felt slightly better but the sight of Lim Gee looking so disheartened made me anxious again
(c) I thought of all those people who have lost their battle to cancer and the unanswered prayers of their loved ones
Amazingly on page J27 J28— it was on unanswered prayers and balance is important--- I begin to realsie that God is very close and he heard my cries and is giving me answers in a sequential manner.
(d) I thought God are you really talking to me?
page J29—The woman who is described in the Proverbs 31….. she has a warm heart towards others and, to top it all, she doesn’t know what it means to be idle -- Hey that’s me---- I have got my answer. “ she is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come”. The woman of Proverbs is a woman who faces the future with humor and a positive disposition in spite of all her chores, because she belongs to God. She is a woman who does not complain about all the things she has to do. She is also not concerned about what lies ahead, because she knows that God is in control of her and her family’s future.
Prayed :Heavenly Father, I pray that You will make make me a woman who laughs at the days to come, who trusts in You completely, and who is positive about the future. Amen
I felt so close to God and knew that he would not abandon us yet.
(e) I was contrite and guilty-ridden at my vanity
page J30- In the world in which we live, our looks have become more important than who we are. The Bible teaches us differently: “ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised,” says author of Proverbs.
6th Nov – The doctors confirmed that first cycle of chemo will start either today or tomorrow . However, it could only start on Monday as they were rather short of staff who prepared the chemo bag. The usual anxiety at the delay was no longer there, as we thought perhaps it will give LG’s kidneys more time to rest since there was quite a bit of tumor pressing on them and upon admission there was a danger that it may shut down, hence there was a need to put in a PCN to drain out the urine from the left.
9th, 10th, 11th Nov – 3 days of chemo passed by. Elder Yoke Fooi and Pastor Kien Seng have been coming and paying him visits to support Lim Gee inspite of the strict 2 visitors and restricted hours as well as the horrendous parking woes. So far only the immediate family members and close friends have visited.God is great indeed! I am grateful to my dear friend , Maggie who has also been cooking porridge and stuff for us at the hospital and at home. Lim Gee’s mother has been coming everyday, her quiet support must have been therapeutic for him too. There were also a lot of smses from others to encourage us
My Principal and Miss Chan ( RO) have also been very caring and understanding. I do wish my colleagues will not ask me how I am each time they see me? My swollen eyes speak volume and to tell them how Lim Gee is faring would be to re-live the agony I am feeling! Somehow going to work each morning gives me a breather and a great yearning to return back to normalcy.
12th Nov – discharged from hospital to go back home to rest before the 2nd cycle begins on 25th Nov.There will be 10 daily jabs at home to boost the production of white blood cells) Received a sms from Mickey Chiang. It was very encouraging.He has fasted and prayed for the last 3 days, eating one meal every 24 hours. We were not forgotten and telling us not to lose heart and God will cure Lim Gee and make him well again! We hardly knew each other and he has gone to such lengths for us. It was indeed a touching message of encouragement.
13th Nov- Lim Gee’s bosses visited him at home. LTC Alphonsus Chua, LTC Soon Chin Boon and MAJ Alex visited him followed by Pastor Kien Seng. He was rather tired and slept for quite a while after that. It was good to be back at home and have friends and colleagues visiting.
17th Nov- Jennifer, Linda, Doreen and Yong Choon Yang visited us in the evening. We held hands and prayed, some in tongues ( I think) for I do not understand . Lim Gee was visibly more cheerful the next day.
19th Nov – It was raining cats and dogs( the day Bukit Timah was flooded and cars were floating in the car park- is this an imagery of what is to come?) when we set out for NCC. We waited like an eternity before we were finally summoned into the doctor’s room. Doctor Lim informed us that the spinal cord is affected and he said it is a challenge to clear the tumor. On the bright side, he said Lim Gee has responded well to the first cycle as his kidney is now functioning normally as quite a lot of the tumor has shrunkened. Lim Gee reported feeling sensation in his back and thus we are to go to NCC for some kind of chemo on the spinal cord and see him again on 25th Nov and to be prepared for admission.
With a heavy heart we made our way home, and both of us were deep in thoughts though mine is filled with anxiety and we took care not to talk about it as we wanted to be positive and after dinner I prayed for God to allay my fears and I need not have to look far as the bible reading plan that I am still struggling was amazingly at Psalms 116 today--- Is it a blessing that I am always behind time in the reading plan?
I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy.
Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live.
The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came upon me;
I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.
Then I called on the name of the Lord:
O Lord, save me!
The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion.
The Lord protects the simplehearted; when I was in great need, he saved me.
Be at rest once more, O my soul for the Lord has been good to you.
For you, O lord , have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before the Lord in the LAND OF THE LIVIng.
23rd Nov 2009- It's my birthday! I spent it at the NCC where Lim Gee has to wait hours for the results of the blood test which shows that the blood platelets is a little low about 53. The doctor on duty was not comfortable to chemo the spinal cord and they put in 4 bags of platelets. Praise God that it was painless! My only birthday wish is for complete recovery! In the evening Hui Pein visited us and apologetically I was updating my facebook and blog while she had fellowship with Lim Gee and Wilson.
25th Nov 2009 -- He was admitted once again for the second cycle of chemo which will be done over 3 days. They decided to leave the PCN --- the tube that drains urine from his left kidney. My dear friend Maggie cooked and brought dinner for us. Lim Gee said it was delicious and I was so grateful . I heard he was on "salvage chemo". Checked online and it seemed to be quite encouraging. I know that if its God's will, even water will be able to clear all the tumors let alone salvage chemo--- Amen!
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