Lim Gee battles with Lymphoma again

3rd Nov 2009= Relapse of Lymphoma!

Relapsed NHL (Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma)??? What does it mean as we carried the pet scan report from block 4 to NCC ( National Cancer Centre). With a heavy heart, we knew what that dreaded word meant?

What started as a pain in the thigh on the night of 19th October 2009( Monday- that fateful evening) which resembled rheumatism that a TCM massage did not make it go away. The pain killer or muscle relaxant prescribed by the camp doctor was of no effect. Every night he would be wakened by the pain and there would be this heat rub that he used to releive himself from the discomfort. As the pain seemed to progress to the lower back I urged Lim Gee to call SGH on 24th October 09 for an earlier appointment to see Dr Lim S.T and despite reporting pain, we were told that there is no slot for an earlier appointment!

On 28th October 09 early morning there was pain in the lower abdomen and the stomach was bloated. The next day he was unable to pass motion and there was slight fever in the evening. I asked Lim Gee if I could SMS Dr Lim directly to inform him. Dr Lim responded immedaitely to see him on 30th October 2009(Friday). Upon examination he told us to be prepared for admission and asked “How many siblings does Lim Gee has?” This question seemed to suggest that the autologous stem cell transplant that we did last November was in vain. Some blood was drawn and we were told to come back on Monday 2nd Nov to do a pet scan and see him again on 3rd Nov.

It was a gloomy weekend, there were many prayers and we hope that it was not as serious as feared. That Sunday as we prepared the elements for holy communion I realised it was indeed A PRIVILGE TO BE ABLE SERVE. After service Elder Florence and sister Andes prayed and laid hands on Lim Gee for mercy and healing. I was comforted and felt a certain sense of calmness, though I could sense that Lim Gee was rather uncomortable about it.

3rd Nov --We had been forewarned to be prepared for admission. The familiar sense of déjà vu descended upon me as I accompanied him to his ward and I could sense his dejection and confusion. Understandably we were depressed to put it mildly—accurately he was physically weakened by the pain, emotionally fragile and spiritually challenged!

4th Nov09 --- I cried out to God for mercy , for healing and tears were the only language of expression I can use as supportive family members, friends and colleagues tried to comfort me to remain strong so that I could take care of him. I don’t want to be strong but what else can I do except to be stoic. In my demented state I even prayed to my beloved father to intercede for Lim Gee .

5th Nov09 – The familiar nausea that I experienced last year when well-meaning colleagues and friends gave me food had surfaced and I knew that I had been under high anxiety as a hideous and mammoth pimple had appeared on my nose. Being the vain woman, it would have bothered me a lot normally but I hardly noticed the blemish. The doctor at National Skin Centre whom Valerie is seeing for her hair loss was kind enough to give me a wonder cream which would have me raving about it to everyone under normal circumstances. In fact it was so good, a fellow colleague who noticed the difference asked me if he could have it when I am done with it, which I acceded.

This morning I had picked up a devotion book by Nina Smit ( Lay Bin gave me this and it has been lying in the school for 2 years). Then God spoke to me through the book as every thought that I had there was a resounding reply
(a) I was unhappy and confused as to why God allowed the relapse
page J25—always strive to live a positive life
“why does the way of wicked prosper? Why do all the faithless live at ease?” Jeremiah asks the Lord
Yet God’s children know that the wicked will suffer a dreadful end.” Surely you know….. that the mirth of the wicked is brief, the joy of the godless lasts but a moment,” Zophar comforts Job
Prayed :Heavenly Father, I apologise that I have sometimes been unhappy when the unrighteous have prospered. Forgive me and make me content with those things you have given me. Amen

Am I expected to be content with this relapse… surely not!

(b) I had negative thoughts like “ what If ……”

page J26—people who think fearful thoughts all the time often find that it is exactly the things they feared that become a reality. After all the terrible disasters that came upon him, Job confessed to his three friends: “ What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me. I have no peace, no quietness; I have no rest , but only turmoil” ( Job 3: 25, 26)

Prayed :Heavenly Father, I confess that I have pessimistic thoughts and that those things I have feared have also come over me. Help me to trust in you completely from now on, and renew my thoughts and make them positive so that everything will go well for me. Amen

Though I felt slightly better but the sight of Lim Gee looking so disheartened made me anxious again

(c) I thought of all those people who have lost their battle to cancer and the unanswered prayers of their loved ones

Amazingly on page J27 J28— it was on unanswered prayers and balance is important--- I begin to realsie that God is very close and he heard my cries and is giving me answers in a sequential manner.

(d) I thought God are you really talking to me?

page J29—The woman who is described in the Proverbs 31….. she has a warm heart towards others and, to top it all, she doesn’t know what it means to be idle -- Hey that’s me---- I have got my answer. “ she is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come”. The woman of Proverbs is a woman who faces the future with humor and a positive disposition in spite of all her chores, because she belongs to God. She is a woman who does not complain about all the things she has to do. She is also not concerned about what lies ahead, because she knows that God is in control of her and her family’s future.

Prayed :Heavenly Father, I pray that You will make make me a woman who laughs at the days to come, who trusts in You completely, and who is positive about the future. Amen

I felt so close to God and knew that he would not abandon us yet.

(e) I was contrite and guilty-ridden at my vanity

page J30- In the world in which we live, our looks have become more important than who we are. The Bible teaches us differently: “ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised,” says author of Proverbs.

Somehow I know that the journey ahead will be tough but I am going to be a woman who will be able to laugh at the days to come………..

6th Nov – The doctors confirmed that first cycle of chemo will start either today or tomorrow . However, it could only start on Monday as they were rather short of staff who prepared the chemo bag. The usual anxiety at the delay was no longer there, as we thought perhaps it will give LG’s kidneys more time to rest since there was quite a bit of tumor pressing on them and upon admission there was a danger that it may shut down, hence there was a need to put in a PCN to drain out the urine from the left.

9th, 10th, 11th Nov – 3 days of chemo passed by. Elder Yoke Fooi and Pastor Kien Seng have been coming and paying him visits to support Lim Gee inspite of the strict 2 visitors and restricted hours as well as the horrendous parking woes. So far only the immediate family members and close friends have visited.

God is great indeed! I am grateful to my dear friend , Maggie who has also been cooking porridge and stuff for us at the hospital and at home. Lim Gee’s mother has been coming everyday, her quiet support must have been therapeutic for him too. There were also a lot of smses from others to encourage us

My Principal and Miss Chan ( RO) have also been very caring and understanding. I do wish my colleagues will not ask me how I am each time they see me? My swollen eyes speak volume and to tell them how Lim Gee is faring would be to re-live the agony I am feeling! Somehow going to work each morning gives me a breather and a great yearning to return back to normalcy.

12th Nov – discharged from hospital to go back home to rest before the 2nd cycle begins on 25th Nov.There will be 10 daily jabs at home to boost the production of white blood cells) Received a sms from Mickey Chiang. It was very encouraging.He has fasted and prayed for the last 3 days, eating one meal every 24 hours. We were not forgotten and telling us not to lose heart and God will cure Lim Gee and make him well again! We hardly knew each other and he has gone to such lengths for us. It was indeed a touching message of encouragement.

13th Nov- Lim Gee’s bosses visited him at home. LTC Alphonsus Chua, LTC Soon  Chin Boon and MAJ Alex visited him followed by Pastor Kien Seng. He was rather tired and slept for quite a while after that. It was good to be back at home and have friends and colleagues visiting.

17th Nov- Jennifer, Linda, Doreen and Yong Choon Yang visited us in the evening. We held hands and prayed, some in tongues ( I think) for I do not understand . Lim Gee was visibly more cheerful the next day.

19th Nov – It was raining cats and dogs( the day Bukit Timah was flooded and cars were floating in the car park- is this an imagery of what is to come?) when we set out for NCC. We waited like an eternity before we were finally summoned into the doctor’s room. Doctor Lim informed us that the spinal cord is affected and he said it is a challenge to clear the tumor. On the bright side, he said Lim Gee has responded well to the first cycle as his kidney is now functioning normally as quite a lot of the tumor has shrunkened. Lim Gee reported feeling sensation in his back and thus we are to go to NCC for some kind of chemo on the spinal cord and see him again on 25th Nov and to be prepared for admission.

With a heavy heart we made our way home, and both of us were deep in thoughts though mine is filled with anxiety and we took care not to talk about it as we wanted to be positive and after dinner I prayed for God to allay my fears and I need not have to look far as the bible reading plan that I am still struggling was amazingly at Psalms 116 today--- Is it a blessing that I am always behind time in the reading plan?

I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy.
Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live.
The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came upon me;
I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.
Then I called on the name of the Lord:
O Lord, save me!
The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion.
The Lord protects the simplehearted; when I was in great need, he saved me.
Be at rest once more, O my soul for the Lord has been good to you.
For you, O lord , have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before the Lord in the LAND OF THE LIVIng.

23rd Nov 2009- It's my birthday! I spent it at the NCC where Lim Gee has to wait hours for the results of the blood test which shows that the blood platelets is a little low about 53. The doctor on duty was not comfortable to chemo the spinal cord and they put in 4 bags of platelets. Praise God that it was painless! My only birthday wish is for complete recovery! In the evening Hui Pein visited us and apologetically I was updating my facebook and blog while she had fellowship with Lim Gee and Wilson.

25th Nov 2009 -- He was admitted once again for the second cycle of chemo which will be done over 3 days. They decided to leave the PCN --- the tube that drains urine from his left kidney. My dear friend Maggie cooked and brought dinner for us. Lim Gee said it was delicious and I was so grateful . I heard he was on "salvage chemo". Checked online and it seemed to be quite encouraging. I know that if its God's will, even water will be able to clear all the tumors let alone salvage chemo--- Amen!

The story of 4 rats

Not so long ago in a not so far away land of Singapore, there live a god-fearing family who live at peace with Nature and all other God’s creation. There are 4 rats in the family who are best known for their charm and intelligence, which often wins admiration wherever they go. Blessed with a sharp wit, they possess a marvellous sense of humour, which makes them stimulating and amusing company to have around. One day something unforgettable happened………..
The first rat's husband was doggied home to the Lord so as to bless his family. There is no doubt that he has a strong sense of duty and responsibility.

The second rat's husband had to monkey a battle with Lymphoma and was victorious. His stamina and determination to overcome all odds is supported by his offsprings: the quiet rabbit who hears the melodies of our guitar( soul) and the junior monkey whose dancing would cast a hundred spells on the entire forest as it is unmatched in its originality.

The third rat's husband flew to the other end of the world as his company(Lehman Brothers) collapsed while a new window of opportunity awaits him. Preferring to live a life that is totally surrendered to God and staying true to his animal’s instinct he chose pigging out on good food (in Shen Zhen)and celebrating the joy of being alive before realising his dreams in the new window that will be opened up for him.

The youngest rat conquered the war of PSLE and WON! His mother, the horse, being performance and success oriented, gallops unimpeded through all obstacles in animal Languages, Science and Mathematics which even the tiger ( unparalleled performer) found it tough. Naturally the horse had to be checked by the unquenchable fire of the dragon, who is the center of all energy, who holds the secret to the truth and light. He knows that God will disperse the dark clouds. His approach to handling the most misunderstood rooster [who is usually the centre of attention in all things non-academia] is a clear indication of the Dragon’s super positive mindset in life.
Through it all, the 4 rats' faith never wavered. Their trials and tribulations only served to deepen their convictions that their one true God is in control of everything and that He works for the good of all those who love Him. Unequivocally, the 4 rats knew that they will scurry past their disappointments, pain, weariness and sorrows in life. By nibbling ferociously on the Word of God and sniffing out the promises of God daily, they were never defeated nor intimidated by other predators in life. Predators were not such a big deal after all due to the rats’ binding ties wrought with a tiger and a horse, who are always there to cheer them on, pray for them, intervene on their behalf and give them unstinting support in the storms of life.

The rats knew that their world would not be the same without the tiger’s protective prayer( strong humanitarian instincts) and the horse’s unfailing care. When the rats began their journey on this earth, they did not know the great joys or deep sorrows that were ahead of them. But God knows, He cares and He understands. He knows the rats, tiger and horse would need each other during the pilgrimage on earth.
The 4 rats knew that only by focusing on God and abiding by His will, can their lives be a true testament to His Grace and Mercy.
Yes, the Lord has given and He has taken. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Lymphoma Stage 4

1st July 2008= The diagnosis was clinched
Lymphoma Stage 4!!! High-risk Group. Critical. – These were the words uttered by the medical oncologist Dr Lim S T

I was devastated! A death sentence has been passed on us. Our dreams dashed, our hopes unfulfilled and our future seemed unfamiliar and uncertain.

Lim Gee who is a very fit sportsman, leads a super-healthy lifestyle and a health freak when it comes to food complained of gastritis symptom and stomach bloatedness on May 19th 2008. A few days later he saw his camp doctor who gave him antacid tablets.

He consulted the camp doctor again the following week as the symptoms persisted. This time he was referred to SGH on the 9th June. It was a long 12 day wait and his condition deteriorated with vomiting upon consumption of food, reflux whenever he lie on his back and so he had to lie in a semi-reclining position.

On the June 9th the doctor at SGH ordered some blood tests, endoscopy on June 10th and a CT scan on June 11th . No medication was given and we happily awaited for the test result on June 24th. In the meantime we even went to the church camp thinking that problem will be resolved eventually as we wanted to live by faith .

During the church camp, there was respite from vomiting but it was obvious that he had lost a lot of weight and was unwell. Upon returning ( June 16th 2008) all his previous discomfort came back and his legs were beginning to swell as his body had been deprived of proteins.

Met up with SGH doctor on 24th June who informed him that the test results were inconclusive and he was told to do another OGD scope on the 30th June. His parents and sister who worked in Mount Elizabeth visited us that night. She arranged for a second opinion at Mount Elizabeth on June 26th. We had to go down on June 25th to get a set of the test results and thank God we were able to get it seamlessly.

June 26th 2008 – Dr Ng P L’s opinion is 98% Lymphoma and it is going to be a long term and costly treatment and he must be admitted immediately. The NIGHTMARE has just begun. Reached SGH’s A &E at 4.40 pm and we only got a bed after 11 pm that night!

The button has just been activated and thus began a series of tests to clinch the diagnosis and subsequently another set of tests to determine if he was fit for treatment. Through out all this the Church has been praying and supporting us in all manner. The never-ending stream of people( friends, relatives, colleagues and church) who came and came repeatedly , the gifts( especially the MRET water from Elder Yoke Fooi), the kind encouragement and most important the fervent prayers at the hospital beds and in their quiet time was overwhelming that people asked me why I have write down their names in a notebook.

 I jokingly said I was marking attendance and might even have to do a presentation and give out prizes for the person who made the most visits!

July 12th 2008- Received a call from Lay Bin to say that my father had no heart beat and no pulse! When I arrived his body was cold and the world suddenly seemed so bleak. Ther are only 2 men who love me very much in this world. One has gone to heaven and the other is probably going through Hell. My soul is in anguish. How could anyone so insignificant as I be made to go through so much in such a short period of time.

July 26th 2008 – Lim Gee is ready for discharge to go home after 2 rounds of chemo where all cancer cells has gone into remission! Considering the advanced stage, this is incredilble.We had cried out to God. We lifted our voices together seeking his mercy, his power and his healing. And He heard and answered with a true medical miracle!

He proceeded to go for another 4 rounds of chemo which ended in mid October. Given his presentation, the doctor felt that there is a 50 to 55% chance of relapse within the next 3 years.Subsequently we decided to go for autologous stem cell transplant in early November so as to further reduce his chance of relapse by 10 to 20 %.Through it all GOD IS GOOD there was minimal side-effects except for some mood swings and tingling of fingers.The last part before the stem cell transplant he was in great pain( because of the mouth ulcers) that even when morphine was given the pain was not markedly reduced. Fervent prayers from all and he was given relief and even the doctors attending to him remarked that his ulcers seem to disappear much faster than other patients!

Dec 18th 2008
This afternoon Dr Lim said that Lim Gee will be going back to work after Chinese New Year and I cheekily asked if Lim Gee is unreasonable can I scold him. Dr Lim replied that even if he is reasonable I can also scold him. Now isn’t that the best news any wife can hope to hear!( I have a medical permit for scolding my husband, I wonder how many wives have such a privilege)

We went on a holiday to HK-ShenZhen in March 2009 - using the travel incentive award given by the Navy and on 12th June 2009, we went to Hokkaido as Japan Hour was his favourite TV program during his long stay in SGH.